i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
