if i can run in heels then i can drive
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
