He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
