Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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