Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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