I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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