if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
