I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
