Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
