My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I lost the right to judge tonight
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
