The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize