Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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