Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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