upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
