I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
