dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
