I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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