In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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