ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
