Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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