she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
