im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
