i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
