i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
