masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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