I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
