I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
