I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
