did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
