I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
