Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
