May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
