Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You ate ashes out of my bong
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
