Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
