I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize