he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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