I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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