Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
