we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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