I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
