I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
