How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
