Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
