She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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