I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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