covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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