community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
