So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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