this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
