I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
