Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
