anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
