I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
