Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
