the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize