My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
