Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
