whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
