Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
