I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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