Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
