SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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