please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
