Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
