I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
