I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
