You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Come on in and take your pants off
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