I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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