So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
