The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
