I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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