I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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