I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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