I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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