I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
