Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You left your phone here
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