White coat. Heels.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
